Can't Sleep


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Selfie of me on a bed with blue hair.

"To feel anything deranges you. To be seen feeling anything strips you naked."
-Anne Carson, Red Doc


Did you see me cry at the movies
with tears a gleaming aquamarine?
I know my soul is supposed to be made of coal,
an abyss with infinite pigment,
and yet without a single path that leads out to expression.


I’m sorry I cried at the movies.
I know you know me as so dark
no one can see any color,
as transcendental carbon,

so black that I’m not even aware of my undertone of blueness.