Side Effects


Selfie of me in a zoom waiting room.

"I wear my brother's death like a scar."
-Chris Abani, Portal


Still down South drinking out the mouth,
and my moms still bestowing
bottles and bottles of prescriptions
no one to share, I'm busy
running on rumination and starvation,
worrying I won’t ever see heaven,
way too focused on self preservation
to think people are a safe haven.

But if you make it fast
you can catch me relaxed, drinking
with my friend, by the Bennet,
carrying secrets; my brother lonely
in foster homes, my mom glowing;
more pregnancy, I was made
to match her insanity, match my sibling,
I'll die here, copy his fate,
or I could wait, be patient,
pass time and try to find the wrong in me
my answer will become an addiction,
and the consequences will leave me sorry.